As I sit here I realize that every aspect of my life feels predetermined. I believe at one point I was a blank slate, but now there is rarely a decision I make that is unaffected by past experiences. As I pose to graduate from college and move on into the "real world," I question if my slate is really full. Am I truly prepared to face the hardships of unemployment, lost friendships, the pains that can come with loving someone?
The music I listen to, the activities I spend my free time doing, the books I read... Sometimes it all seems so contrived. How much of what I think is me, and how much is my ex-boyfriend? My sister? My best friends? To give a specific example that has lately been on my mind, this past year I have had four men that have seriously affected my life, and each has filled a different role that will forever be imprinted on me. It amazes me that four different people can affect me to such a degree that I will never forget them. Well, one that I count is my father, so perhaps that isn't the best example. I think my point is that as one goes through significant transitions, the first thing that seems to shift is our relationships. I have no idea if I'll see my roommates anytime soon, but I know I want to be around my boyfriend. Already I don't speak to someone who used to be like a brother to me. And who knows how much I'll keep in contact with a person who I grew up with, whom with I shared my teen years, who has affected my thought process so deeply that he will be forever ingrained in my personality.
Even the fact that I am currently listening to "How's it Gonna Be" by Third Eye Blind as I write this is a product of a relationship.
However, I don't think this is a bad trend. At the end of the day, I'd rather have had all of these memories and people in my life than have tried to create a masterpiece from that blank canvas all on my own.
